The Turning Point: When Women Start Choosing Themselves…
By: Chinonye Ilupeju
You may know this famous line from Grey’s Anatomy: ‘Pick me, choose me, love me.’ We might laugh at Meredith’s dramatic plea in the hospital hallway, but beneath the humor lies a truth many women live quietly every day: the desire to be noticed, validated, and deemed worthy.
What if, instead of waiting for someone else to pick, choose, or love us, we flipped the script? What if we became the ones saying it to ourselves?
Many women grow up learning that strength means putting others first. They may have been taught to keep the peace, to take care of everyone’s emotions, or to be the one who always adapts.
Culture and religion can play a big role in shaping these patterns. In many communities, women are taught that marriage is sacred, divorce is frowned upon, or that their worth is tied to how well they serve their family. While these beliefs can provide structure and meaning, they can also quietly teach women that their own needs and voices are secondary.
Over time, this creates a pattern where women become highly skilled at caring for others while disconnecting from themselves. They notice when someone else is upset, but may not notice when they are depleted. They make space for everyone else’s voice but not their own. Some women even describe it as functioning on autopilot or like a zombie, moving through each day but feeling a little less alive inside.
As a mother myself, I know too well how easy it is to end up here. Constantly prioritizing everyone else, while your own needs quietly fade into the background.
The toll of this quiet self-abandonment is significant. Many women come to therapy exhausted, feeling unseen and emotionally alone. Some feel deep resentment while others are burnt out and unsure of what they even want out of life anymore.
It’s often in these moments, the moments of exhaustion, relational conflict, or spiritual guilt, that women realize something is missing. Somewhere along the way, they stopped showing up for themselves.
Yet, there is hope. Many women experience a turning point, a moment when they begin asking themselves:
This moment doesn’t always happen suddenly. Sometimes it’s sparked by extreme burnout, relationship challenges, becoming a mother, or even the reflective space of therapy. But when it comes, it marks the start of something profound: a conscious choice to include oneself in the care, attention, and love that has been given to others for so long.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s about rediscovering your own needs and allowing yourself to be seen and heard.
It might mean:
This month, in the spirit of International Women’s Day, take a moment to pause, reflect, and ask: Am I showing up for myself the way I show up for others?
Because choosing yourself doesn’t mean turning away from love or connection. It means giving yourself the same attention, care, and affirmation you hope to receive from others. It’s about taking that line and flipping it, saying to yourself, “Pick me, choose me, love me.”
